Gentle Communication is Wise Communication
Have you ever read a passage in a different translation and been shocked by what you’re reading? As a self-proclaimed Bible nerd, I’m giddy at the concept and find myself digging for gold in the Text when it sometimes feels too familiar. I recently read a passage from James in the New English Translation that I cannot stop thinking about:
James 3:13 - Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct he should show his works done in the gentleness that wisdom brings.
The word “gentleness” in this verse struck me. How different would our world be if gentleness remained the center of all we do? In a polarized election year, I'm not seeing much wisdom around me as of late. People increasingly exhibit aggression and hostility towards one another and seem to disregard the value of gentleness. Everyone has become an expert, yet few can call themselves wise.
I’ve also been considering this concept of wisdom = gentleness with communication. More often than not, communication, or lack thereof, tends to be the route of every issue. Whether in a marriage spat, a manager-to-direct report drop, church hurt, or personal relationship drama. Poor communication causes a plethora of problems. So, how do we go about being wise in our communication strategies and practices?
James would argue that it starts with gentleness. Communication will not go well when we are quick to be angry and defensive or fast to be critical and passive-aggressive. Instead, if we communicate with gentleness and a readiness to listen, we are far more likely to succeed in our endeavors.
Let’s look at this in some possible contexts:
A social media post. Did I mention we are in an election year? How easy it is to come out with guns blazing, ready to stand on our platform for what we believe is right! But what would it look like if everyone on our favorite social media platform considered being wise before hitting “post”? Could gentle words perhaps provoke more change and consideration? James 3:13 would say yes.
A marital spat - In my nearly 17 years of marital experience, I cannot think of a time when non-gentle words went well for my husband and me. As we’ve grown in our marriage and our maturity, we have found that being gentle is the way to go if we want to make it through a difficult conversation without hurting one another.
A work-related issue - If my various managerial roles have taught me anything, it is this: criticality does not lead to change. That can be difficult to remember as an enneagram 1, but learning to be gentle with my direct reports has provided two-way communication where everyone is listening and being listened to. While a lot is involved in leadership, gentle (read: WISE) communication is vital.
Where can you bring gentle wisdom into your communication today? How will you choose a gentle approach while at work, at home, among friends, or at church? Take time this week to consider your communication and the communication of others and ask the Lord to grow you in gentleness and wisdom just as He is so gentle and kind Himself.
Erin is an advocate of people and a problem solver. She received her BA in Psychology from Texas Woman's University and an MA in Counseling from Dallas Baptist University. With over a decade of ministry experience, she delights in watching others grow in both their relationships with Christ and with one another. Erin has been married to her high school sweetheart, Matt, since 2007 and has three children: Isaac, Hallie, and Cade. In her free time she enjoys reading, writing, listening to podcasts, watching her favorite television shows, and spending time with her loved ones.